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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 14
Dear Guzzler: As the links freeze over and the beer gets colder, what is the best sport to undertake during the winter months?
A: Harness racing. It duplicates the two best features of golf: gambling and full bar service.
Dear Guzzler: I'm a friend of a former colleague of yours, and a fellow golf drunk. As such, I need some advice. The weather in St. Louis is getting colder. The good news is that the beer I stuff in every available compartment of my bag and cart stays colder longer. The bad news is that I've been having these urges to drink something warm -- like scotch and rum and whiskey and vodka and tequila and schnapps. Should I give into these urges? Also, I'm having trouble finding my golf ball after hitting it. I'm not sure if it's the leaves on the ground or my blood-alcohol level. What should I do?
Confused in St. Louis
A: Warm vodka? Oh, yum. But it's your life so drink what you want. And don't let your game be ruined by all those leaves. Eventually, they will blow away or rot. I say that makes it ground under repair. If you cannot find your ball, take a free drop about 20 yards farther than you usually hit it. I get some of my best scores in autumn.
Dear Guzzler: In the greater Midwest, the cold season is upon us. I've often felt that one of the true beauties of beer and golf is that neither is truly appreciated by the fairer sex (i.e., our spouses), but together there is some level of toleration. Drinking a twelve pack while watching the Phoenix Senior's Open doesn't quite cut it around here. Oh, the humanity, what do we do?
A: When all else fails, tune in the "Skates of Gold" figure-skating challenge and apologize for running out of wine. That should hold you until April.