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Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 20


 
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Spacer Dear Guzzler: Because I live in the big city, I must drive many miles to get to the first "real" course. However, there are a lot of those "minature" golf courses here in the city, and I need to know if the Guzzler would suggest I bring my buddies, my beer, and myself to these places instead. And if so, would you suggest "behind the windmill" as a good place to pee?

Need Your Help

A: Miniature golf is family-oriented fun. You can be arrested there for some so-called "crime" like drunk and disorderly or urinating in public. And if that's not bad enough, there's no clubhouse! Stay away.beer glass

Dear Guzzler: In Guzzler No. 13, second item, you mentioned Amway as a possible solution for the poor correspondent who was bemoaning his financial difficulties and his fear of impending bankruptcy. Unfortunately, in this instance you (uncharacteristically) gave extremely bad advice. The vast majority of people who join Amway lose money, and only about 1 percent make ANY PROFIT AT ALL, and about 1 percent of that group makes A LOT of money off the people who join Amway to make money. In keeping with your practice of linking to other sites, you might put this reference into the Amway reference: http://www.teleport.com/~schwartz. This site provides an expose of Amway, and also links to Amway's corporate site.

Cheers,
Jamie Simm

A: Perhaps this entry from page 619 of the Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary will be of assistance:

joke \'jok\ n [L jocus; akin to OHG gehan to say, Skt yacati he implores] 1 something said or done to provoke laughter; esp: a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist

beer glass

Dear Guzzler: I find, and I also find this sentiment is shared by my fellow golf-playing potheads, that having a toke helps the golf swing immensely, as opposed to the completely-opposite effect of alcohol. I find the best you can do with alcohol is learn to cope with it well enough that it doesn't make your swing (or for that matter, you) loose and sloppy, whereas the pot tends to help you keep a smooth tempo in the backswing, and to just release enough tension to help smooth out the swing, without making you goofy. Have you had any experience with this?

A: Only once. I was in a four-man scramble and my playing partners got mixed up about the "shotgun start." We quit on the 11th hole and got pizza.beer glass

Dear Guzzler:  Have you ever thought about moving south where you can golf/guzzle year-round? I did it 12 years ago and highly recommend it. The only problem can be the summer heat. Even when playing early in the morning, the combination of hot sun and many beers can bring on a headache. Any recommendations?

Regards,
A Yankee in South Carolina

A: Imagine playing in that hot sun without cold beer. I mean, it's too horrible to think about. If you can golf and drink many beers early in the morning, you are indeed a lucky man. What's a little headache now and again?beer glass

Dear Guzzler: Your Guzziliness -- Although I consider myself the fortunate owner of a black Porsche 911, I had the unfortunate discovery of chunk-laden vomit in my front driver's seat. This occurred in the circular driveway at my Country Club. Could you give me a psychological profile of the culpable person?

A: Sorry, I need more information. Could you make out the chunks?beer glass


 
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