|Return to the|
Ask the Golf Guzzler -- No. 36
Dear Guzzler: Who's this "Alice" everyone on the course seems to refer to? Hit the ball Alice! Nice shot, Alice!
A: She must have short brown hair, a flabby paunch and hairy legs. People keep mistaking us.
Dear Guzzler: I played golf for years. I finally found a brand that knocks at least 8 strokes off my game and causes fewer trips to the woods to relieve myself. Moosehead beer. ... You gotta try it. It is the beer of the future, man, I'm tellenya.
A: Sounds great, Norm, but I'm a little skeptical. Anything that good would be sold on QVC.
Dear Guzzler: I am a horrible golfer but a great guzzler. My friends still try to get me out on the course and I always feel bad because I am the one holding up the group. Don't get me wrong, I love to guzzle on the course but how do I tell my friends that I would rather golf at the 19th hole?
A: Trust me, your friends would not invite you if your hacking ways bothered them as much as they bother you. Your presence must add something to their enjoyment. Perhaps it is your wit. Perhaps it is your good cheer. Perhaps they feel better seeing someone worse than them. Look at it as a social experience, not a contest. And when you really suck, pick up your ball in the middle of a hole and throw it the rest of the way to the green. It will make you feel better and speed up play.
Dear Guzzler: We're stationed in Germany and no one on post seems to know how to measure us for clubs. My husband is about 6 ft. 5 and I'm about 5 ft. 4. Can you help us? My husband's back is not taking his current clubs so well. Thanks -- from two future golf nuts.
Dear Guzzler: If one under is a birdie and 2 under is an eagle, what is 3 under really called and can you give me a source?
A: Three under par on one hole is a double eagle, a score even more rare and coveted than a hole-in-one Think about it, if you get a hole-in-one on a par 3, that's just an eagle. Most double eagles are scored by obscenely long hitters who luck out and hole their second shot on a par 5, but there are ocassional holes-in-one on par 4 holes. Your source is the Golf Guzzler. Take it to the bank.